I spent over half of my lifetime heavily medicated. During that time, my parents loved and believed in me very much, but they didn’t understand how to help me, or the magnitude of what was happening back then. They tried everything they could, before asking me if I wanted to see a Psychiatrist at age 16. My biggest enemy early on, was NOT my gift, it was my intuitive empathy. As a teen I was like a raw nerve walking through the hallways of a High School, absorbing every ounce of self destructive thoughts, sexual confusion, abuse and damage, and processing it ALL as my own. Don’t get me wrong we had family issues too, but who didn’t in the 80’s and 90’s?
“Intuitive Empathy,” is one’s ability to inadvertently absorb emotional energy from those around them. Most often it happens when you’re emotionally connected to another human, but for the highly sensitive, a connection isn’t necessary. It can happen when you're in close proximity with another, or miles apart when you're emotionally connected. All I would have to do was walk down a hall way, touch the locker of someone that had been hurt, or brush shoulders with a student, and I would physically FEEL, what someone had gone through/experienced or done to another. It was how I knew my HS boyfriend had raped an underclassman, and that she was telling the truth. It’s how I knew a parent was capable of sexually assaulting underage drinkers during parties in their home, and how certain teachers drank at school. It was often the big stuff God dammit, the stuff NO ONE WANTED TO OWN, and for good reason, but when I was moved to confront another human, ask for help, or attempt to discuss my visions and feelings, I experienced violent human shut downs, or public humiliation, and all to deflect what I knew in my soul was true. This lead to an extreme distrust of self and the inability to understand how to manage this unique part of me.
Mental illness is real, it just wasn’t my true story. I was placed on pages and pages of medications over the course of 13 years, all of which worked for no longer than a few months at a time. I would eventually respond to Lithium and that was ALL IT TOOK for a psychiatrist to hand me a Bipolar Diagnosis. Medication can serve a purpose in a souls learning experience. It never truly worked for me, because I wasn't Bipolar, but it dialed my emotional sensitivity down enough for me to function in the world at a time when I wasn’t ready to stand out in any way that I believed could make me even more "unlovable." Not everyone would agree and that’s ok, but I didn’t have the support system to be ME back then. I was so painfully sensitive that existing, was all I could manage. I spent way to long trying to make others proud. I spent way too long trying to show my family and doctors who I really was. It wasn’t until I trusted myself and began seeking out like minded individuals, that I found ME. Shortly thereafter I found my “gifts” and began using them to help others.
It IS possible to have therapists, psychiatrists, doctors and/or family that believe in you (and your gift), but it HAS to start with YOU. My advice to every Empath is to do all that you can to empower yourself. Do not rely upon others to make you happy or to fulfill your soul emotionally. Surround yourself with people that lift you higher, that truly love you and ingest content that educates you and brings you joy. Please know that family may not be part of what brings you back to you, and that’s 100% ok. Don’t force anything. Your internal navigation will never steer you wrong.
There are so many different ways to interpret the same condition. What Western Medicine calls one thing, Eastern will call another, and a Shaman will heal in two hours (whoops did I just say that out loud?). Again, not everyone will agree with this. I am not a doctor, but I have been through a lot and it all lead me to one of the most amazing lifetimes anyone could have ever asked for.
You are so special. You may go through hell for years before finding yourself. Things may feel intolerably dark before they give way to light, but please never lose hope. Please never lose faith in yourself. Your tribe is out there and your life awaits. You and only you can affect our world, can make it better, in the way you were born to do. I believe in you. I will continue to remind you of all your beauty and potential until you see it in yourself once more.
Owning who you are, the pain in your story, and all that brought you here, will inevitably set you free. We ALL have trauma, every last one of us. Sharing, will never be in vein. When you're moved to open up about your experience, ripples of compassion, faith, and hope are sent out int othe world, no doubt, unbeknownst to you. BE YOURSELF. OWN YOUR STORY. Straighten that crown. XXO -Mel
One of the things I absolutely love talking about, is the effect this work has on those stuck in grief. It allows me to take people from "belief," in more, to a place of full KNOWING, that life does not end, here and now, when one ceases to exist in the physical world. I love what I do and I wouldn't change any part of my extremely difficult past, for any “normal” life, today. My hope is that when I share hard stuff with you, it allows you to find meaning in your trauma and loss.
We are all born with a set of gifts unique to this lifetime, but not everyone's specialties involve metaphysical properties. That being said, even if Mediumship isn't your specific "gift," we are ALL highly intuitive beings, with access to our own ability to translate this Universal Language. It does not matter if a soul left during the second trimester of a pregnancy, at 13 years old, at 80 years of age, or if he was one foot tall and a chihuahua, EVERY SOUL communicates using the same language when we initiate connection to with Other Side....the Universal Language of Love.
How we learn to translate this Language is unique to every individual and the lense through which they view the world. Here comes the hard stuff. My lense and ability to translate, was shaped by my trauma, and I suspect I may not be alone. You read every day about the Mediums that were connecting with Spirit from age 4 on, but I bet you have never met a Medium, that was born of trauma eh? I was abused. It was bad. It is part of my story. It's also what taught me to “read a room,” and intuit information at the speed of life to stay alive. Additionally, I spent most of my childhood, adolescents and early adulthood in a state of fight or flight, in attempt to avoid healing until I was able to do so (in what my brain computed to be) a "safe environment," I learned to do what Psychologists call, "Disassociate,” at a young age, in attempt to escape my fear and pain. Disassociation is known to my clients as "Misalignment." It is the process in which the soul hovers above the physical body as a way to "escape," and/or bypass a varying degree of emotional and physical pain. Think of the body as the vehicle and the soul as the driver, only the driver has decided to sit atop the sunroof. You follow? For a very long time, I stayed in my dissociative state during my readings and primarily because it seemed to serve me, and I didn’t want to shake up what was working for me. It seemed as though my ability to affirm the presence of spirit was more accurate when I allowed myself to remain disconnected versus grounded in my body. For example, it was easier (back then) for spirit to "show me," the necklace that was passed on to you so that I could then then draw it in detail, when I was closer to their plain of existence. I hope that makes sense. Soul tethered to body (vs grounded within it)=heightened sense of accuracy for Mel or so it seemed initially.
Over time, misalignment leads to severe and/or crippling anxiety (especially first thing in the morning: feelings of how am I to get through each minute let alone this entire day?!), sleep disturbances, depression, acute memory loss, and I also had two unique symptoms: 1.) Driving and sitting still for long periods of time made me nearly doze off. I had to fight to keep my eyes open. 2.) I would take a call or have a conversation and though I was hearing every word, engaged, and responding, I knew with everything in me, that I would have no recollection of this conversation the following day. This is not a sustainable model ladies and gents. I highly recommend dealing with yo shiot ASAP.
I did eventually learn to remain comfortable in my body while continuing to deliver my standard of care to my clients. Debra Morrill and Karen McIntosh have saved my life on more than one occasion, and I mean that literally. "Energy Essentials For Empaths,” a course taught by Debra Morrill, was instrumental in me getting my life back and part of my process in gain even more accuracy in my reading. I truly did NOT expect my life to change immediately, following this course, but it DID, and OVER NIGHT. I was a stronger, more intuitively powerful and comfortable version of myself. I am happy to announce my memory is improving, and though I still have moments of anxiety, they are nothing like they used to be. I am more in control of my empathy, clairvoyance, and am also happy to report that spirit are much more respectful of our individual boundaries, when we are fully present in our bodies. I have a far healthier relationship with the dead, than ever before. But hear me when I say, for years as a young adult I was furious with family, my teachers, even my counselors, for not standing up for me. So much of what I went through a child should NEVER have had to endure. In my mind, SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED ME, as I would protect my boys’. It wasn't until this all started during my second pregnancy (see article “Suddenly Psychic”), that I was compelled to make Intuitive Mediumship my life, regardless of what my religion nor anyone else thought. This was NOT easy at that time, but I cannot tell you how grateful I now am for my trauma. There is so much more to share in the coming months, including the many ways in which my Shamans have changed my life, the pages of antidepressants and mood stabilizing medications I took between the ages of 15-28 to try and feel “normal,” and so, SO, much more, but today I want you to know you're not alone in your human pain and also remind you that we can find meaning in incredibly difficult moments in life. Thank you for bearing witness to my hard stuff. Love you to the Moon and back. I am grateful for each of you and every piece of your life that has made you the Goddamn warrior you are today. Never forget how beautiful and strong you are.
Intuitive Medium & Super Mom
I was 28 years old when we found out I was pregnant with my second son. This wasn't a planned pregnancy. We truly didn’t think we were able to have kids, as my son’s father struggled with a severe form of Crohn’s disease that had compromised his health at different points in his/our life. I, personally, had a diagnosed "mood disorder," and my first pregnancy was a huge emotional struggle. For the first time in ages, I had to discontinue mood medications, for the safety of the pregnancy. Things were relatively stable in my life at this time, though I am positive some of my family members (and my youngest's father) would likely disagree, that is how my brain remembers it now.
One night shortly after discontinuing medications, I laid in bed with my 4 year old son, Sam. He was fast asleep. The closet light was on, as I woke to a woman's voice. I walked through the entire house trying to find out where that voice was coming from. I wasn't afraid. I finally landed in the bathroom, facing the shower. The shower curtain was stretched across the length of the tub, I placed my hand on the fabric preparing to yank it open, as I heard a lion roar so loudly, I was paralyzed and POSITIVE there was a sabre tooth tiger alive behind that curtain. At this point, I was unnerved. And then I realized I wasn’t alone. She identified herself as Susan, or Suzanne, and spoke of Superman. I never did pull back that curtain. I crawled back into bed, unafraid, but more concerned than anything, that I would need to make yet another, psychiatry appointment very soon. You see from the ages of 16 up until this pregnancy, I had been highly medicated for what the doctors and therapists believed to be "Bipolar Disorder Type II."
Three days went by. I did make an appointment with my therapist, but I told no one of my communication with "Susan." Three days later, I emailed my significant other, and explained exactly what had been happening. I was so sheepish about this, and concerned that he too, may fear for the safety of our unborn child, as I was clearly hallucinating.
He was unexpectedly home within the hour. He had tears in his eyes, as he explained to me that his grandmother's name was Susan, and she was one of the few people that had known he wished to name is first born son, after his favorite childhood comic book superhero, Superman, aka Kal-El. His grandmother had died a few years prior. He went onto explain that he and his mother, were/are intuitive. He had experiences with the dead, but his mother, Nancy Ray, had worked for the Madison Police Department, assisting in murder investigations such as Jayme Closs’s initial disappearance. That being said, when their family lost their matriarch, no one was able to clearly reach her departed soul, until now. It meant the world to all of us, that she came through, and allowed us to know, that she was aware of our growing, healthy, "Superman." Additionally, we went on to findout our son would be born in August 2010, he would astrologically, be a Leo (=Lion Roaring), like his Mama.
This was in so many ways, a beginning for me, but also an ending. An end to medications, the term "bipolar," unhealthy relationships and the beginning of a journey home to myself. Without the support of my son's family all of those years ago, I never would have allowed myself to become what I am today. I am not sure what ignited with me, as I carried this small human, but CalEl William was born August 21, 2010. He changed the trajectory of my life and I have never looked back. I was not born a Medium, but when “the lights came on,” I did not turn away from this unique part of myself. And in the months to come, we would find out I was not only suddenly hearing the dead, I was ALSO, "Suddenly Psychic....." What an amazing decade it has been since all these years ago.
By Melanie Fritz
I am a single mom to TWO amazing humans and a Professional Medium. There is nothing more important to me than my boys and my work. We are a (relatively) normal family, with an open heart. We live and breathe to help people heal uniquely in this world.